www.masia.org

Vlad the Instructor By Seth Masia

Books by Seth Ski tuning video Insider links Equipment advice Snowdeath, the novel Contact us! Search Now:

Adding an Accent Slat thinks foreign ski and snowboard instructors have it made. Is he right? (from the July 2003 issue of Ski Area Management) By Seth Masia I saw Slats Grabski at the post office, waiting in line to send off a fat manila envelope. He also had an armful of books. I spotted a foreign language dictionary, tour guides to a couple of Eastern European cities, and a picture book about the Danube. “I’m renewing my passport,” he said. “Where are you going, Slats?” “I’m taking my youngest kid back to the old country. I found out that if I bribe someone there, we can get passports. It’s because my grandfather was a citizen there before the Communists took over.” “And?” “Well, if Vlad is a citizen of Slovenia, he can go to Australia or New Zealand. He’ll spend the summer months down there teaching skiing.” “I don’t get it. Can’t you do that on a U.S. passport?” “He could work there for a few months on a visa, but he couldn’t get permanent residence. This way he’ll be an official immigrant. I’ve been teaching him my grandpa’s accent. The Down-Under immigration service will think he was born behind the Iron Curtain.” “Why would he want to do this?” “Ah. Well, then he’ll get a Down-Under passport. And when he comes back here in the fall, he can get into employee housing.” “You mean he wants to live in the dorms behind the maintenance garage?” “Well, yeah. Check it out. The Austrians and Down-Unders come over here each fall and the Ski Corp. pops ‘em into the dorms. Their rent is about half what the American instructors pay.” “Can’t the Americans get into employee housing?” “Nope. The Americans got booted out a couple of years ago.” “Why?” “The official policy is that once an American has been on the payroll for a couple of years, he or she should have been able to find year-round housing in town, or to have married into it. The foreigners, on the other hand, go home in May to teach the counterseason. So the dorms are pretty much reserved for the accents. The result is that the Austrians and Down-Unders get to keep what they save on rent, and after a few winters they have enough for a down payment on a beach house back home.” “Austria doesn’t have beaches.” “A bierstube, then. The point is, getting a dorm room is worth about $600 in savings each month. If you want to maximize your earnings here, you gotta be a Foreign-American.” “Umm, dorming with charming, athletic young women doesn’t play a role in all this?” “He’s 22 years old. Anyway, by next winter he’ll have a Down-Under passport and the guys in the dorm will call him mite.” “So that’s it? He just wants a cheap place to live and party?” “Well, that’s not all. Of course, you’ll have noticed that the accents tend to pop to the top of the private lesson list.” “That’s sort of a tradition, yes.” “Some of the supervisors feel that guests find accents more exotic. More personable. Higher in status value. More worth the private lesson fee.” “No one in the ski school office would ever admit this.” “But it’s a universally held opinion, at least among the Americans in the locker room. The story is that the accents generally get bigger tips, too, and get taken to dinner more often.” “Ah, so this whole enterprise . . . “ “Vlad wants to teach the rich folks. He wants the big tips. He wants to meet their daughters.” “This makes more sense now.” “I always told him he could be anything he wanted if he put his mind to it. My kid skis well enough. Why shouldn’t Vlad Grabski be a glamorous European ski instructor?” Copyright 2003 Seth Masia